Friendship, Ghosted: When Women Center Men and Leave Themselves Behind

I’ve been called male centered before. More than once. And every single time, I’ve sat with it. Not because I believed it, but because I wanted to really check myself. To ask—is any of that true? Am I moving in a way that erases me in the name of love?

And the answer is no.
Let me be very real.
I am not male centered.

I don’t shrink myself for men. I don’t stay with men who mistreat me. I don’t perform for the male gaze. If anything, I leave the moment I feel disrespected. I choose me every time—even when it hurts, even when I love them. That is the opposite of male centered. That is self-worth.

But the reason this topic still matters to me is because I’ve been on the other side of it. I’ve had friends lose themselves completely to men. I’ve had moments where I felt abandoned, not chosen, emotionally left behind because a friend was too wrapped up in a man to see anything outside of him. So let’s talk about it. Because it’s a real thing. And it doesn’t always look obvious.

What Is a Male Centered Woman

A male centered woman is someone who unconsciously revolves her life around men. It’s not just about being in love. It’s about everything from her emotions to her schedule to her sense of self being filtered through a man’s existence.

It's deep and sometimes she doesn’t even know she’s doing it.

How to Spot a Male Centered Woman

Let’s break it down. These are real lived examples not assumptions. Not “she has a boyfriend so she’s fake now.” But actual behavior that centers men at the cost of everything else.

Scenario 1: The Disappearing Act

You’re going through a rough week. You text your best friend to talk and she hits you with “I’ll call you back.” Three days pass. You finally check in and she tells you “Sorry I’ve just been with him.” No apology. No follow up. Just him.

In her world emotional space is reserved for men. Her friendships are there when romance isn’t. You don’t feel chosen. You feel like a placeholder.

Scenario 2: The Performance Shift

You’re out at brunch vibing and talking openly. Then a group of guys sits at the next table. Suddenly her whole vibe changes. She’s softer more agreeable. She starts one upping your stories. Flirting. Correcting you in front of strangers.

That’s not just insecurity. That’s what male centered behavior looks like. When someone’s identity shifts in the presence of men. When you stop being her friend and start becoming her competition.

Real Talk: That’s Not Me

Here’s why I take the “male centered” accusation so seriously. Because I work hard not to be.

I’ve left men I loved because they were emotionally careless. I’ve walked away from men who disrespected me. I don’t stay in situations that steal my joy or silence my voice. I don’t disappear into men. I exist fully with or without them. And if a man can’t handle that he’s not for me.

You can be in love without losing yourself. You can show up for a man without neglecting your girls. That’s the difference.

If You’ve Been On the Receiving End

I’ve been that friend waiting for a check in that never came. I’ve felt the sting of being emotionally available to someone who only made time when her boyfriend was busy. I’ve felt replaced not by a man but by her willingness to abandon herself for him.

It hurts. And you’re allowed to name it. You’re allowed to say “This friendship feels like it only exists when he’s not around.” That’s not petty. That’s self respect.

If You’re Reading This and You See Yourself

Breathe. This isn’t an attack. This is your moment of clarity. If you feel like you’ve been molding yourself for love losing your girls your voice your boundaries you can come back home to yourself at any time.

You’re not wrong for wanting love. But real love won’t ask you to erase the rest of your life. And if it does that’s not love. That’s codependency in cute packaging.

Final Word from Me

Let’s stop confusing femininity with submission. Let’s stop pretending being desired is the same as being valued. You don’t have to perform to be loved. You don’t have to sacrifice your friendships to be chosen.

And you definitely don’t have to accept the “male centered” label just because you’re a woman who’s in love and still making space for herself.

I’m in my soft era yes. But softness doesn’t mean weakness.
I love hard but I never lose myself.
And that is what being girl coded is all about.

Written by: Aaliyah Jay
Love but don’t disappear.
Feel but don’t forget who you are.
And if anyone asks tell them you’re not male centered.
You’re self centered. In the best way.